Last Day

Today is my last few hours at work.  It was supposed to be yesterday, but the owner is still on vacation and the person who’d be left here alone is almost incapable of handling the office on her own, so I’m going to get a few more hours on my paycheck.

The great news is that I have a meeting with the owner of job #2 this afternoon.  I am praying she wants to talk about me working there full time.  I would be so happy if I didn’t have to apply for unemployment.  Please pray that I will get full time.

My husband stopped drinking on Sunday.  Right now, I don’t even want to discuss him, but he is not drinking anymore.  He came home around 7pm Friday evening, unscathed but blacked out.  Such is the life of the alcoholic and his wife.

I am cleaning off my desk intermittently today.  Clearing up files.  Trying to gather the nerve to ask for my vacation pay.  I have a speech all planned out.  I really need this money to be able to survive the next couple of weeks if I don’t get full time at job #2.  Besides that, I’ve earned it and I think it’s fair.

I am not sure what’s going to happen to my blog if the only place I can log on is from home.  It’s not easy for me to blog from home.  The husband is usually around.

Well, please wish me luck for today.  With the vacation pay, and hopefully full time from job #2.

Two Steps Forward, Ten Steps Back

Well, my fears were realized when I got home from work this afternoon.  He didn’t answer the phone.  He didn’t get the mail.  The door was unlocked.  The house smelled of smoke and staleness.  This time, however, my husband is missing.

I told you it wouldn’t last forever and that I knew the bottom would fall out from under me at any moment!  Of course, it would have been nice if it hadn’t happened when I feel like everything else in my life is falling apart.  I feel like crying, but I know it won’t help me at all.  I feel so alone and so scared of what’s to come in the next few hours.  Will he come home yelling and crazy?  Or will he be somber and pass out?  I have no idea.  It’s a crap shoot.

He has $20.  He was supposed to meet his sponsor.  I don’t think his sponsor is a 40oz of Colt 45 and a pack of Pall Mall’s.  I also found that in the corner of my living room.

I am trying not to worry about his well being, however, it keeps creeping into my mind.  How can I relax?  I am going to kick back and watch some stuff on my Tivo and I think my friend is coming over later.

Why now?  Why ever?  Ugh.  I feel so hopeless.  Then I feel rage that he would have the gall to take $20 from me when every dollar is so precious.

Fuck him.

I Feel a Little Better

The more I think about how hard it’s going to be living on unemployment, the more calm I become.  There is nothing I can do about it except run into it head first.  What’s the worst that could happen?  Well, there’s a lot of potential for things to go horribly bad, but I need to have faith that for now, the waters will stay calm.

I didn’t get to talk to my boss about my vacation pay before she left for her vacation (is this irony or what?).  I might actually grow the balls to call her while she’s in Florida to ask her about it.  I might.  We’ll see.

In the meantime, my “friend” that I work with, who is also one of the owners (but likes to stay out of the line of fire when things go down) keeps asking me when my last day is and making other annoying comments to me.  It pisses me off because I haven’t even told them my decision yet, but apparently they’re looking forward to sending me out the door.  She was talking about something yesterday and said, “You’re probably thinking, ‘oh, L, you’re lucky you still have a job!’”  I was pissed.  You’re right – I do think you’re lucky that you still have a job!  You will always have a job because your parents own the business and they’ll never let you fall, even though you do less than twenty hours of work per week (but get paid for 45, might I add).

Anyway…I am just trying to make the best of it and not worry about what could go wrong or how much money I won’t be making.  It’s really out of my control now and I should just be thankful for getting away from this family and their dysfunction.

My husband is still doing well, which is great.  He has gone to a meeting the last two nights and hopefully is meeting the guy he’s been working with today.  I had to leave him $20, which is trying to work itself into worry in my brain, but I am trying to ignore it for now.

Since I’ve begun writing this post, my “friend” and her father who own this place have begun talking about hiring a salesperson, and discussing how they are going to “build up the business”.  I’d just like to add that I AM a salesperson, and that I am getting laid off.

It’s Official

I’ve been told I can work tomorrow, Friday, Monday and Tuesday.  After that, I can choose to work Thursdays and Fridays, or be laid off.

I haaaate this.

One thing I like about my job is my clients.  Now, I get some real nut cases that come in here, but most of my clients are repeat customers; either business owners or ordering for a company or organization.  Since I’ve been doing this for a while now, I’ve built some relationships with these people.  Most are business-only relationships, but a few have become closer than that.  I was thinking of emailing my clients a “farewell” letter.  Nothing snarky or sarcastic…just a heartfelt “I am glad I’ve had the opportunity to work with you” type of deal.  Is this tacky?  Unheard of?  The norm?

Since I haven’t told my boss what I am going to decide yet (she thinks I am going to talk to job #2 and see if they’ll give me more hours so I can work both places but I don’t think it’s going to happen.  Not yet, anyway) I am not sure when to send the letter or if I should send it from my work email or personal?  Decisions, decisions.

I have a feeling my blog will also take a hit, because it’s not so easy for me to blog at home when my husband lurks nearby.  I guess since I’ll have nothing to do, I will be home during the time he’s at school so I will have some “alone” hours.  Ugh.  I feel so “down”.

Well, that’s all for now.  I still need to grow the fortitude to ask for my vacation pay.  Wish me luck.

Thanks!

Thank you to anyone who reads this and sends me those positive comments.  It really gives me some hope and helps me feel a little better.

Right now I still don’t have a date of layoff or a real plan.  One of the owners is going on vacation tomorrow and I’d like to get at least another week’s pay in.  Another thing that really is making me crazy is the fact that my anniversary is next month so I’ll get a week’s vacation and I feel that I deserve my vacation pay.  I have worked for this family for over six years and I would just like to receive what I’ve already earned.

I am also very non-confrontational, so chances are, when the time comes, I will end up not saying a word about it.

For some reason the thought of not working is most scary to me.  Getting out of the routine of getting up, getting dressed…you don’t have to get dressed in the morning when you have no place to go.  You don’t have to put your makeup on and fix your hair.  It scares me.  Getting out of the groove of working is what scares me the most.  Having a chunk of time on your resume with no work doesn’t look good and it’s hard enough as it is to get hired somewhere unless you know someone.

I am going to try to not be so stressed today about all of this.  About six more hours to go and I can head home and relax with my husband and my cats.  I don’t have any plans or anything going on in the immediate future, but I will try to stay positive and keep my eyes and ears open.

Seriously?

Sorry this blog has turned into me talking about my job.  It’s temporary!  I promise!

Today one of the owners finally told me, “I don’t know how much you’ve been told, but it’s bad.  We don’t have any money.  I am not even sure we’ll be able to stay in business.  We’re all going to have to cut our hours back.”  When I asked her what she meant, she told me, down to working TWO days per week.

What??

Without letting you know exactly how much money I make, first let me tell you not much, but it could be worse.  Now let me add that after taxes, it will be pretty pathetic.  Kinda like what I was making in high school.  Now, just taking out the monthly bills that I owe and that are set in stone, it would leave me about $200.  Per month.  I have not included groceries, medicine, hair cuts, oil changes, car insurance, emergencies, and certainly not entertainment.  I also didn’t factor in gasoline, which would get me to my sixteen hour per week job.  Let’s take out another $100 (approximately $25 per week to fill my tank, given the current price of $2.39).  So, I would be left with about $100 per month to take care of all of the things I’ve mentioned above.  And then I ask you, how in the world anyone would be able to manage on that?

I don’t know what to do.  I am terrified.  If that is all they offer and I tell them I can’t survive on that money, will I lose out on unemployment because I am “refusing to work”?  What I would bring home on unemployment would be hard enough to live on, but this is almost $100 less.  What am I supposed to do?

My husband said he is going to talk to the career placement people at his school.  He is supposed to intern within the next year, so maybe he can begin that earlier?  I don’t know.  All I know is that I should have done things a lot differently in my life.  The reality is that I don’t know how I’m going to survive.

Stress doesn’t begin to describe how I feel.  Hopeless?  Terrified?  For sure.

Thanks for all of the positive comments, too.  I do appreciate them.  I just want the right thing to happen for me.

Unsure

…As to what’s going on.  The owners talked with the people who they intended on getting rid of.  They did lay off one kid who works for minimum wage and only 8 hours a week, anyway.  All that was basically said to me was how poorly the company is doing.  I could go on for days as to why I think this is, but it boils down to the family leeching off the business and not putting enough effort back into it.

I think it’s inevitable that I will be laid off, but I don’t know when.  One of the owners is going on vacation starting this Thursday and will be gone a week.  There are appointments on the calendar and they’ll both be gone at the same time, and I am the only one left in the office.  So, as you can see, I have no idea what’s going on.  What I do know, is that I really don’t think I can survive on $250 a week, if I get laid off.

On a much brighter note, my husband is still doing well.  It’s nice to be able to come home and he’s in a good mood and we can talk or watch TV together.  He got mad at me for telling my family that I thought I was going to lose my job.  He made a comment that it will make him look bad for still not having a job.  I like how he turned my layoff around to be about him…

Anyway, thanks for your encouraging words.  All I can do is pray.

More Bad News

It’s bad here at job #1 and I’m pretty sure I’m being laid off.  Like, as I type this.  Not sure if I’ll be back on Monday or what’s going to happen.

Please pray the right thing happens.  I will try to keep you guys posted.  Thanks for all of the positive thoughts and comments!

I Don’t Like Tuesdays

Sorry I haven’t been posting as much lately.  Don’t get me wrong; I am incredibly thankful that my husband hasn’t been drinking, but I’ve noticed how much my “stats” have withered away.  It’s alright though, I am sure I’ll have a crisis at some point and need the comfort of my blog!

Yes, everything has been going well at home.  My husbands moods are the best surprise for me because he has actually been pleasant to be around!  He is only going to meetings once a week, but this is normal for him.  I am not sure how much he is in contact with his sponsor, so that always puts me on alarm a little bit, but he’s really been doing well.

I am having a lot of trouble with job #1 and am concerned with being laid off.  Nothing’s been said, but you just get a feeling.  I could probably write an entire novel about this job, but I would only get angrier and there’s no sense in that because nothing will change.  Nepotism runs rampant here and that’s just how it goes.  I can’t afford to lose this job, though.  Not one bit.  Please keep me in your prayers.

Happy Weekend!

I am so relieved that it’s Friday.  I am so sick of Pro Football Hall of Fame crap.  I am off work in one hour.  I don’t have to work job #2 tomorrow – it will be really nice to have two days to sleep in!

My husband passed his certification so thank you for all of the well-wishes.  Hopefully he will be able to find some kind of employment now.  He is still doing well.  Although, I find myself thinking that the bomb is going to drop any time.  I don’t think it’s possible for him to ever completely stop drinking.

Percentage-wise, his moods are 100% better than just a month ago.  I am not sure what it is.  He finally and thankfully went back on an antidepressant.  He’s been on them for years but never went longer than a couple of weeks without drinking, so I know they never really took effect like they should.  Hopefully this time he will stick with them and stay away from beer and they’ll improve his moods.  A girl can dream, right?

I am just so happy to be DONE with this week.  I am glad the HOF will be OVER by Monday.  I can relax and enjoy myself this weekend.  I hope you all have a good one, too.