So I’m just sitting here thinking about my current stresses and everything that’s wrong in my life. It occurred to me that alcoholism is what’s wrong and why the fuck do I continue to allow it to be in my life at all. I mean, this show is on about crack heads and there’s a doctor talking about addiction and I know everything she’s gonna say before it comes out of her mouth. I don’t even want to know any of it! I don’t have room in my life for even a little bit of addiction. I’m not an addict, I didn’t have addiction in my life over fifteen years ago…why would I even allow it any real estate in my mind and life??
Maybe I’m rambling but I’m so sick of my life being about addiction instead of happiness and life. I want to experience a day that is free of the effects of addiction. I wish I would’ve savored it before…him.
So I feel positive in myself that I am capable of changing this. I pray it lasts and I can actually do something about these feelings. I used to think, who cares? Life’s over…ya blew it. But I’m not feeling that right now. I’m feeling like I wanna put some change into motion. I’m feeling like I want my life back.
How’s that saying go? These times they are a changing…
You go, girl. Run and never look back! Make it happen for yourself!
It is so amazing and scary that we can be going through the same thing and be feeling the same way that I am afraid of sounding like I am lying. Tonight, I was logged on the internet and logged off because I was feeling some kind of way. I am feeling so frustrated and overwhelmed. My marriage sucks, I am overweight AGAIN and I dislike my job. I am just so frustrated and overwhelmed at the same time and I just feel like I am stuck. I have been in this place for 5 years not including dating. SIDE NOTE: I just realized that my wedding anniversary is tomorrow. January 3, 2007, my God. I know how I will be celebrating that upstairs with my daughter and hoping he stays downstairs and out of my purse.
But, I literally logged back on to respond to your post because I saw you posted from my cell phone. Yes, I hope you do not lose that feeling and keep it moving. You are so right we do not have the addiction so why are we dealing with theirs. All day, my drunk has been walking around the neighborhood trying to find someone to borrow money from. I started to feel sorry for him that I almost gave in and was going to give him a $1 because he just looked so pathetic. Also, last night I found him sleep and passed out beside the toilet. I took a picture of it with my cell so that I can remind myself why I am filing for divorce. I would post it if I knew how.
I am glad you are feeling that way and I am feeling positive that you will begin to take your life back. I am so ready to take mine back in every way and in every area. Sad thing about the job is I took tuition reimbursement last year so I have to stay for another year I do not have $3000 to give back right now
on that note I think I can put up with that a little bit longer. But it gets so frustrating when people make 6 figures and they don’t know anything and you who make way less and know the job and make them look good. So frustrating.
Sorry I rambled a little too long, but I do feel a little better. Thank you!!!
I hope that you find a solution that gives you your life back.
When I was in the same place you are, someone told me the definition of insanity: you keep doing the same things you’ve always done, expecting different results. Hmmm. I hope you find peace in the new year, whichever direction you take.
Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t
mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying
to force outcomes and make people behave. It means
we give up resistance to the way things are, for the
moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible–
controlling that which we cannot–and instead, focus on
what is possible–which usually means taking care of
ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness,
and love, as much as possible.
Melody Beattie.
came across this in positve thoughts typepad….. motivates me a lot in despair moments, hope its helpful to you too…
I wanted to remind you of something you wrote way back in the beginning. “I can’t take another week of this drinking drama.” Sound familiar?
Do something!!!!! Go to an Al-anon meeting, go for a walk, clear your mind and take a breath. Do any tiny thing for your self. Even the smallest thing done for yourself is a step in the right direction and he cant take that away.
I too live with an alcoholic.
I also have been living with an alcoholic for the last 13 years. I highly recommend the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. When this book was first suggested to me, I argued that I was not a codependent person and I did not need to read that book. Then I picked it up at the book store and read the first chapter. What I read was exactly my life as if I had written it myself.
This book has given me great inspiration and insight to my marriage and has inspired some great changes for me.
Why do we keep doing & doing & doing this??? I have been with mr. M for 23 years. When is enough enough? Why do we keep allowing addiction “any real estate” in our minds and lives??
Are these times a changing? Or will we be reading these same exact posts from these same exact people 10 years from now? *sigh*
Good post. There is enough meat here to get my attention and cause me to share it with others. I own a Drug and Alcohol Testing facility and it’s important for me to see what others insights are with relation to drug use and abuse to see how what I do fits in with that. Your post about “Alcoholism” was insightful- I bookmarked your blog and I’ll be back to see what else you post that I can learn from.
Try this website. It and Al-anon were lifesavers for me.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/
Oh, Wifie, It was around 3 years ago that I started my blog to record the events of my alcoholic spouse, and I found your blog and others. Something made me think about it today, so I logged in after over a year. It really, really saddens me to see you in the same situation you were in three years ago. On my account, I had to let go because he was dragging me down with him – I had no idea how far until I got some distance (and I was in physical danger). It took me 2 1/2 years to finally get the divorce because he wouldn’t sign the papers, but during that time away from him, little by little, I started to get pieces of myself back. You have no idea how this saddens me to see your situation. Maybe three years ago, I would have hemmed and hawed about how maybe things can be saved if he decides he needs help and if you get support from al-anon. Al-anon people on principle don’t give advice. They don’t want to ruin marriages and families that can be saved, since there’s always a chance that the alcoholic will reach bottom then take steps to change. There’s always a few success stories. Knowing how happy I am now, I’m not going to say that. Why suffer needlessly? I say consult with a lawyer or seek out a legal service that can help (let them know your financial situation – there has to be a way), file the divorce papers and don’t look back.
I read your blog back then because I thought it sounded like our drunks were similar and then reading your stories about actually going through with it also encouraged me. I’m so glad you’re doing well and you’re alcoholic-free. I really hope and pray that this will be my story too this year.