Wanted: Husband I Can Count On

I locked my keys in my car last night.  I’ve never done that before…but from the time I slammed the door shut till the time I got out of the parking lot, the whole ordeal had taken me about 2 and a half hours.  Awesome evening!

In the meantime, my husband was at home, of absolutely no help to me.  When wives get in trouble, particularly car trouble, who do they call?  Their husbands.  This is not an option for me.

I did, however, call him when I was back in my car, driving to my friend’s house.  I told him I finally got back in the car and he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about (even though after I did it, he called me and I told him what was going on).  He was acting real goofy and I suspected that he was drinking.  I wasn’t certain, but how can I help but always think the worst?

This morning, I woke up late.  I sent him a text message asking if he was up and I got no response.  I then called a few times and he finally picked up and said he was just getting ready for school.  Whew.  He seemed OK, but I am still wondering if he’ll drink today.  His final exam for one of his classes is today, which means he’ll be out of school early and head home to sit and ponder and be depressed and possibly drink.

I am so sick of all of this.  I don’t know if he did drink and I don’t know if he will drink, but it’s ridiculous that I have to worry about this crap all of the time.  It’s been my life for over twelve years.  Wondering, worrying.  I wish he would grow up and be a MAN and be a real husband to me.  I should be able to call my husband if I lock myself out of my car.  If I need to stop for gas, he should pump it for me (he has never once done this for me).  He should help me around the house, have a job and help me with bills and expenses, too.  Is this really too much to ask?  Isn’t it normal for a husband to do these things?  Not in my world.

(No, I didn’t have an extra set of keys, but I do plan on having some made after work today)  🙂

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Queen Bitch

I’m still living at my friend’s house.

He hasn’t had anything to drink, but once again, his attitude still sucks and I don’t think he’s cleaned the place up.  I am in no way a “neat freak” but I like things to be presentable (I love having friends over) and I think things should have a place and always be put in their place when you’re done with them.  My husband missed that class and always wonders why he can’t find the scissors, tape, screwdriver, etc when he needs them.  Every time I see him, his face looks like someone made him eat a shit sandwich.  Why not try to be cheerful towards me?  Why not smile?

I went shopping this weekend.  I bought myself something “big” to me, but it will also help me with the class I’m taking.  Anyway, I saw some good deals in men’s clearance at one of the department stores and I picked up two shirts for him.  I was excited to have a nice little surprise for him.  When I saw him later that day, I said, “Do you want to see what I got you?” and he said “Not really.”  When he finally did look at them hours later, it was when I wasn’t in the room and he never said anything like, “Thanks!” or “I like these!”.  Instead I have to coax thoughts out of him.  Do you like them?  What do you think?  It’s ridiculous.  For once, could you just act like a NORMAL person and say “thank you” in a tone other than comatose?

It’s driving me crazy.  We are never going to have a normal marriage until he gets his whole life turned around completely.  How is that even possible?  It would be hard enough for a normal person, let alone an alcoholic.

I do believe I deserve to be treated not only respectfully, but lovingly as well.  I am not a demanding or “high maintenance” woman at all.  Obviously I work and can take care of myself.  Why can’t he pick up his end and help me?  I am just so scared that I am on a path to a brick wall and the inevitable scares me.

I have to work job #2  a lot this week, too.  That is also frustrating to me because they’re scheduling me more than we’d originally agreed to.  It exhausts me and I feel crabby.  I don’t have any time to do anything but sleep and work and then take care of things I have to take care of, like groceries, etc.  Tonight is my class and I am really looking forward to it, but it will engulf my whole evening and I still won’t have time to just sit and decompress.

Man, I sound bitchy.  I am not a bitch in real life!  I just play one on the internet.

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