I am not divorced, but I have not been “home” in about a year now. With every passing day, the horrors fade and I speak with the husband less and less. My heart aches over my cats; 3 of them are with him. I was able to give one back to the original owner and my oldest cat, Princess Boo had to be put down in April. It was so sad but I think she’d developed cancer. It was hard on him, too.
Sometimes, I find myself forgetting how bad it was. Sometimes, I forget how I used to hide money and my wallet or would try to slink into the apartment, undetected. I forget the begging for money and cigarettes and the sadness, emptiness, despair.
I am still working for the insurance company and am thriving and loving it. It’s a difficult job but has the potential to make great money over the years with the succession of promotions available to me. I bought a New Car in March. It wasn’t easy with my poor, poor credit, but the car is all mine and brand new and I love it. It’s not flashy, but it’s exactly what I wanted and I’m not afraid to drive anywhere in it! I also have some great news to share… I met a man who is the nicest man I’ve ever met in my life.
It’s not ideal since I am not divorced yet, but I will be, and this man knows everything about what I’ve come from. His divorce from his 21 year marriage was finalized in May. My family knows about him, have met him and love him. He is intelligent, kind, funny, sweet, sensitive, attentive, affectionate, level-headed, we have much in common, he’s liberal, open-minded, and I could go on. Most importantly, he is truly my best friend.
He was in a loveless marriage and even though she was not an alcoholic, there are similarities. He has two adult children whom I adore and I gotta tell you, I’ve never felt so fulfilled in all of my life.
It’s been awhile that we’ve been together. The honeymoon phase would be over by now. He’s the real-deal. He’s been hurt quite a bit, financially by his divorce, but it won’t last forever and he doesn’t rely on me for anything. Not cigarettes, not food, not anything except companionship and happiness. We get along great and I am so fortunate that we met.
I want to update you more on what the ex is up to, and I will. I just wanted to tell you I am here, I am strong and I am living life for once; not looking for the relief of death or the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m here. I made it. And not just because of this man. I’m proud that I had the sense to walk away, but even more that I haven’t gone back.
I used to listen to a song lyric and I would sometimes cry when I would hear it because I knew it was true but that it wasn’t me. I didn’t know when it would be, if ever. I heard the lyric recently and it made my heart swell with emotion because I finally am on the other side of it, living it.
“Living in happiness, is knowing that you’ve been blessed.”
And blessed I have been.
The Alcoholic Marriage 