I have no idea why I feel the way I do right now, but I feel sorry for him and am feeling guilty that he’s down. It makes no sense.
I had plans immediately after work to go pick up my new pair of glasses then to go to dinner with a friend. The doctor’s office closed at 7 and I don’t get off work till 6. The office that I work in has staggered shifts to accommodate customers calling from different time zones. By 5:30, my office is a ghost town. My phone rang at about 5:45 and it was my husband. He still sounded semi drunk (he’d called me last night, obliterated, not making any sense and had mentioned he bought whiskey) but not nearly as out of it as last night. He said he was losing his mind because he has to take care of the cats and that he needed help. This means more money to drink. I told him I wasn’t stopping home, nor was I going to help him. We went back and forth a few minutes and he eventually hung up on me.
When I got off work he called repeatedly but I refused to answer. I went and got my glasses, met my friend for dinner and headed home. I dozed off early and woke about two hours ago to some texts from him:
“I can’t make it by myself.
I cried out last Friday. Sobbing and yelling.
I’m sorry (my name), I’ve never had this much pain. I miss you. I’m not talking about stuff, I just miss you.
I’m sorry I get so hysterical. It’s love, (my name).
Detachment”
So could someone please tell me why I start to feel bad for this man? I know the answer and it’s more of a rhetorical question, but I can’t help it. It pulls at my heart strings, just a little.
Again, I do not want to go back to him or our situation. Just sharing what’s going on and my thoughts about it.
This weekend is going to suck. I am giving one of my cats away tomorrow night. God, give me strength.
The Alcoholic Marriage 