Meetings

He went to a meeting last night – the first in quite some time; I believe he considers it his home group.  He had met a lot of great people going to this meeting, one of which was the person who sponsored him when he had his longest run of sobriety ever – 6 months.  I drop him off and then go visit a friend and then wait for him to call him after the meeting to pick him up.  While I was sitting in the car waiting for him, I saw his friends giving him really sincere hugs (that sounds kinda silly but true).  It’s hard for me to look at these guys and imagine that they’ve done the same things my husband has.  They all seem so normal!  When I see them accept him back time and time again, I know they understand.  It makes me feel happy to know he has support and I wish he would just take it from them.  He didn’t seem too happy to go while we were on the way there, but he did say that if he doesn’t go, he’ll quickly forget where he was last week, and drink again.

Last week, he drank and got pretty bad.  He had agreed to go to detox and a few hours later, he called me at work and asked me to come get him.  I thought maybe he got kicked out because he’d been there so many times before.  No.  He just “couldn’t take it”.  I was furious and refused to let him back into the house.  His mom went to get him at detox and ended up taking him to a hotel (basically next door to our house!) and gave him beer.  I was so angry.  I ended up being able to trade him cigarettes for the beer that was left and he ended up detoxing on his own.  This all happened on election day, which also angers me because he didn’t vote.  I told him the next time he drinks, I’m going to bring people in (friends and family) and move him out to the street.  So, I hope he decides to do the right thing this time.

I hope he continues to go to meetings.  I can’t take another week of this drinking drama.

Read Full Post »

A Little History

I am a woman who has been with an alcoholic for well over ten years.   He was an alcoholic when I met him, although I am not so sure I really understood the real meaning of that until it was too late and I was in love.  Yes, I do love him.  And I also hate him when he drinks.

I could go on for days about crazy things that have happened to us and to me over the years.  It’s been a wild ride with plenty of loss and tragedy.  I wish I could go back to my early 20’s and choose a different path.  I can’t and now I feel a duty as his wife to be loving and supportive.  The main problem I am dealing with now is his attitude when he ISN’T drinking.  He’s angry, irrational and emotionally not there for me.  It’s constant walking on eggshells not to anger him, but it happens anyway.

The saddest part of my story, and probably a lot of other people who are involved one way or another with an alcoholic, is that my husband is one of the most intelligent, caring and kind people you’ll ever meet.  He has so many gifts, intellectually, and he has wasted his entire adult life on Busch Light and an occasional cheap Vodka.  His health is jeopardized and he is only in his early 30’s.  I don’t want to be a widow at age 40.  I also don’t want to be going round in the same circle I have been with him, never getting anywhere and facing the same troubles as we have been and still do.

My husband has been to every hospital and “rehab” that our town offers.  He has been kicked out of hospital outpatient recovery programs because his relapses are so frequent.  He has gone AWOL from men’s homes and detox programs.  I am so terrified that he’ll never “get it”.  He isn’t drinking today, but it’s just a matter of hours or possibly days, before I come home from work and find him passed out, snoring loudly, with my whole home smelling of cigarette smoke.

I hope that you’ll enjoy or learn from, or even relate to my story.  I hope your alcoholic “gets it” one day, too.

Read Full Post »