You guessed it. He drank on Friday.
I tried calling him several times on my way home from work on Friday, but got no answer. When I got home, everything was quiet and no TV (a sign). I walked into the living room and he was passed out on the ottoman. He was really sound asleep. I tried to get close to smell him and yep, it was there. I looked around the rest of the apartment and didn’t see any signs of it, but I was certain after having smelled his breath.
I sat on the chair in front of him for a few minutes, and then tried to gently wake him. I pretended that I hadn’t the faintest idea as to what was going on. He got up and brushed his teeth and we went and had dinner; we’d had plans to cook but it was getting close to 8 and I was just tired.
He was fine during dinner. He ordered coffee and water but didn’t eat much. We went home and in short order he got irritated that there was nothing to watch on TV, so he went to the bedroom. I played a computer game for another couple of hours then went to bed. I woke up around 7:30 with a pounding migraine. It was one of the worst in a long, long time. He actually got up around the same time as I did and he was fine the rest of the weekend.
The question now is, what do I do? This is totally unacceptable to me. Even though he doesn’t “act up”, I still am not OK with it. Also, there will come a day when he doesn’t want to stop and I will be back in the same boat I was 6 months ago. I cannot stand him when he’s drunk. He is an ugly person. I can’t put up with it anymore!
I want to say something so badly, however, I still have that bad thinking in me that it will set him off, or upset him. The real reaction to this should be, “Who the hell cares!?” but when you are IN it, surrounded by all this insanity, you don’t want to rock the boat.
I can’t face another Friday with fear, though. I am going to have to do something this week. I’ve had enough of his shit.
The hard part is the boundaries – what you will and wont put up with – living with my alcoholic there were shaded lines for boundaries that he always crossed and I allowed it… because that was my co-dependent nature…it was all I knew.
It is much different to behave how you know is best when you are in the situation and I wish you much more success than I had in living with an alcoholic who is active…
I’m soooo sorry. My day was Thursday. We were leaving town and guess who I found stone, cold drunk stumbling around trying to mow our lawn when I got home?
I ended up leaving him behind because he wanted me to drive while he continued to drink in the car. I refused to drive with an open container of alcohol in the car and he refused to leave without it so I left him.
I just do not get them or this disease sometimes. I just don’t. It’s so frustrating because I can’t even enjoy a trip out of town without it affecting my plans somehow.
I am thinking of you. I don’t know what advice to give you because I feel the same way. Some days I just don’t know.
You can’t live your life around what an active alcoholic does. I hadn’t been to your site before so I tip-toed around in your archives but don’t see any mention that you go to meetings. Have you had a bad experience with them?
I did; I do believe I posted about it, and I will double-check tomorrow. Not safe to mess around on my blog at home!
I posted about my experiences at Al Anon here: https://wifeofalchie.wordpress.com/tag/al-anon/
I have recently thought about going back. However, the possibility of a third job is on the horizon and I won’t even have time to think straight if I end up taking it. I’m just not sure what to do.
I just mentioned it because most of your blog is about the alcoholic. But maybe that is your purpose, to expound on him in a safe place while letting you enjoy your own personal life when you’re in it.
I, myself, haven’t lived with the active disease for a number of years so I’ve tapered down from Alanon although I will always be grateful for the help I found there.
I am not sure why I started it. I’d read some other blogs online and related so much to them, I just wanted to get my thoughts and the events out and this has actually been OK therapy for me.
I used to journal daily as a teenager…until I found out my stepmother was reading it. I felt violated and stopped journaling. This blog has been like a substitute for my journal. Hopefully said ex-stepmother won’t find it this time and figure out that it’s me!
Actually, originally, I think I wanted mostly my thoughts about everything to be the focus but I think the events overtook my feelings.
Here I am back in the same spot. Having a blow up fight about my boyfriends drinking. I am so guilty of being a co dependant it’s not funny. I want my life back. So I sat down with him and laid it out, if he can’t stop I have to go for myself.Low and behold he refuses to stop and yet again twists evenrything back to me. “I drink becasue you are a bitch and maybe if you loved me a little more I wouldn’t drink so much”wow. I am DONE. I told him I am not ok with living with a ticking unpredictable time bomb(and mind you i was scared shitless because he’s made threats of burning our house down last time i suggested leaving). I need stability, trust and consistancy in my life and I just feel he is an albatross around my neck.It’s the guilt which is the hardest to deal with watching him cry and deny he even has a problem and knowing i am leaving him and taking our 16 m old son with me.I need my life back. I’m going to take my life back and go back home.