What’d you do tonight? Me? Oh, after I got home from work at 9:30 I hid in my bedroom, eating my dinner. The Drunk was slumbering, passed out across my ottoman and big chair. I tried being oh so quiet and it worked for a little while.
I heard him doing his wake-up coughing fit for a couple minutes, then here he comes into the bedroom. I need cigarettes. He talked to me just a little bit, would leave the room every few minutes to smoke and then he’d come back. I need cigarettes.
I was stupid for even attempting to talk to him. I told him I was angry that he’d stolen money from me again and that every time he drinks it ends up costing me $30 to $50 and I cannot afford that. I said, you don’t want to work, I have to watch every fucking penny and its not fair. I didn’t say anything about the remote yesterday and I could’ve been a bitch about it…
Here we go. I’ll back up to yesterday when I got home from work and he’d seen the Best Buy ad and just had to have a universal remote for the tv. It’s one of the new ones that has a screen on it. Kinda cool, not necessary but I’ll admit I like getting new gadgets too so what the hell…we went to the store and of course they were sold out so we had to hit a couple more places and did some price matching and we ended up getting it. He had said if he can go home with this remote it would make his year. Please. So bottom line, I didn’t care that we bought the remote.
But that’s not how he took my comment. He raised his voice and said I buy one fucking thing a year! One fucking thing and I get shit for it! I knew you’d have to make a comment about it. One fucking thing! Over and over. I just sat here with my eyes closed. Please go away. He walked out of the room and I thought for sure he’d slam the door but he didn’t. I got $7 out of my wallet and sat it on the other side of the bed. He came in a couple minutes later saying, Just let me go to the store. Then he must’ve seen the money sitting there and said, What’s this? This isn’t enough! I just wanna go to the store and this isn’t enough. This is an insult! I need more than this! And on and on and on he went. If it were my last ten dollars on earth he wouldn’t care. He is such an ugly piece of shit. I just can’t stand him. He turns into this hideous monster several times a week and I fucking hate him. So what’d I do? Gave him a twenty and took back my $7. He’s supposed to bring me my change. That’s rich.
Tomorrow at 1:30 he has this appointment he’s been telling me about all month. He finally told me its to talk to a psychologist. Any doctor who talks to him should immediately see he’s a menace to society and have him committed ASAP. I could only hope. I wouldn’t even care if they lobotomize him. A vegetable would be a welcome addition over that piece of shit. I can’t stand being afraid in my own house. Or driving away on my way to work knowing he’s probably already putting his shoes on and will be walking down to the store the second I’m out of sight. And quite frankly I’m just jealous of people who seem to have normal lives, normal spouses…no turmoil or chaos. People who’ll probably get a Christmas gift from their spouse this year and a card on their anniversary. I can’t imagine…
So now I’m off work for 3 days. This should be fun.
Editing to add: its now Monday morning and he should be getting ready to go to his appointment but he polished off a second six-pack last night so he went to bed. Fucking incredible. What an asshole.
So why not do something about this? You can file for divorce. You have grounds. You can get an attorney and ask him to leave. A sponsee of mine did that. He could not be in her marriage any more. What is the point in staying in this misery? This life appears to be killing you as well as him. I’m not supposed to give advice in Al-Anon, but it seems that nothing will change until you take some steps to change it.
Seems like we had a similar Thanksgiving, a mess. This is really sad that we can compare miserable lives together. My drunk got a new job at Toys R Us for the season. I thought whatever works to get some money other than mine in the house. Remember, he is suppose to be doing the at home customer service gig too (I haven’t heard anything else about that). Anyway, his family asked him to bring the turkey for Thanksgiving, why would they ask a drunk to cook turkey is unbeknowst to me. He was off work on Monday and Tuesday and had to go to work on Wednesday at 5 pm. On Tuesday he got really drunk and I knew that an excuse was coming about work. On Wednesday while I was at work he called and gave me instructions on how I needed to graze the turkey while he went to work. This was around 10 am, he already sounded pretty darn drunk when he called. I knew an excuse was coming. My job ended up letting us off an hour early so I planned to go home and watch this turkey that I had instructions on cooking. On my way home, my mom called and asked me to ride with her to my aunt’s. A thought went through my head that my drunk would be home waiting with a lame excuse about he needed to cook the turkey and couldn’t go to work. When I arrived home my mom was waiting in her car for me and who did I see standing by my mom talking. Yes, the drunk. Keep in mind that he had to be to work at 5 pm. It was 5:40. I asked what time do you have to be at work. He said, I went and they told me they didn’t need me. I laughed because the drunk even went through the trouble of putting on his work pants to try and fool me. My naive mom said I know you were mad. I told my mom that she was crazy if she believed that. Toy R Us told you that they didn’t need you around the holidays the busiet time of the year for them. Does he think I am crazy? Long story short. The turkey was dried out. I had to clean up the mess he left in the kitchen when he dropped the turkey on the floor and the excessive amount of juice in the pot wasted all through the stove and on the kitchen floor. I was up cleaning until 1 am while the drunk sipped on his last 2 beers and smoked cigarettes and slowly drifted off to sleep. Oh, but not before threatening to hit me if I didn’t shut up. I am so tired. Since then he hasn’t brushed his teeth, taken a bath or attempted to call a job. All he does is wake up and run to the store and get 12 packs to sip on and dose off to sleep all day. Today is Monday and he still is laying on the sofa drunk and sleep. Great birthday week for me.
Syd, I am planning on filing for divorce on Friday. I cannot take it anymore. He has said before that he is not going to sign the papers and I was told that makes it an contested divorce. Whatever, I am going to attempt to file it myself because I do not want to pay a whole lot of money to get rid of a nobody. Wish me luck and please keep my child and me in your prayers. There is no telling what a drunk who doesn’t want to lose a free ride will do.
Good luck, ksimal. I believe that a wake up call is what both people need. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care.
WofA: How brave you are. I know it is hard. It has taken me over a year in therapy to learn how not to enable my husband. I still do it occasionally when I am not thinking, but most of the time I just close my mouth and walk away
I told my husband the other day that I needed to get away for a while and get my head on straight maybe see my dad that I haven’t seen since my wedding in ’03. He immediately started yapping about how we should go away TOGETHER and see his family. (He has flown home to see his family at least once a year (without me) since then. He got all hurt when I told him that I wanted to go alone. All he could say was, “who’s gonna take care of stuff while you are gone?” Lovely.
KSLMAL: Once my husband came home around 3 am from the bar on the night before Thanksgiving, saw the turkey in the fridge, and decided to “help” me. Around 9 am I woke up to the smell of turkey. He was passed out by then and I couldn’t wake him up for nothing. It was so much fun scraping the turkey out of the oven that morning. You see, he had neglected to take the wrapper off before throwing it in the oven at 400 degrees. That year I got a new stove for Christmas and we had a pot-roast for turkey day..
I am always amazed how we (those who are married to drunks) are living the same life. Drunk not working, Drunk has it so much worse then everyone else, verbal abuse is identical down to the exact words spoken. And how we hide. Every night I hide in my bedroom, that is until he passes out in there, then I get my house back. He has finally agreed to a divorce and I have not been happier. Everyone tells me that when we are divorced that I will be even happier, I can’t wait. Feels like I got my life back, I can’t stop smiling!!!!
Jonet, you are so right. Everything sounds the same. When I read everyone’s story I can actually visualize a time where the same thing has happened in my house. The lastest thing he has done is taken my credit card out of my purse and went to buy beer and cigarettes. I have heard that on this blog before where the drunk has stolen money to buy his habits.
Have you filed yet? I have my papers ready just getting a few pages notarized now. Everybody keeps telling me when he is out of my house and I am out of the marriage I will be happy too. I cannot wait I pray that the happiness continues. I am so over being stressed out and fat. I have gained so much weight from this marriage its ridiculous. Why couldn’t I be the type of person to lose weight through the stress, LOL. But I am happy for you Jonet and everyone else that has decided to take their lives back. Hold your head up and keep pushing forward. Life is too short.
kslmal,
I filed on Nov 30. My 90 days (cooling off period) are up on March 1 and he is moving out on March 2. I hope you too have filed, it feels so good. And from what I understand it just keeps getting better. So excited about the future.
p.s I am one of those people who don’t lose weight through stress.
“And quite frankly I’m just jealous of people who seem to have normal lives, normal spouses…no turmoil or chaos. People who’ll probably get a Christmas gift from their spouse this year and a card on their anniversary. I can’t imagine…”
Yes, this is the way i think as well. Please tell me how your divorces are going. I have walked away 3 times only to get stalked & somehow he made his way back in. 14yrs of marriage & I’ve hated 10 of them. This was something that did not happen overnight. He was the happiest man with a great work ethic when i met him. what happened? i don’t know.
rachel,
No christmas gift, no anniversery card, these are just more examples of how they (the drunks) are all alike. I too have been married 14 years, and in 9 days my drunk is moving out!! He got so drunk one night and when he picked a fight I wouldn’t let it go, in other words I fought back. He got so mad that he screamed through the house so the kids (10 & 13) would hear..’thats it we are getting a divorce’. Since I already meet with a lawyer, I made an appointment for the next day. When I told him I did this he said, that he wasn’t serious about the divorce, I told it was very serious and I met with the lawyer. Since he cannot ever admit he was wrong, we are getting a divorce …FINALLY!!!