I don’t know if hate is really the word I am looking for, but it’s damn close if it isn’t.
Let’s see here…he literally drank every day this week except Thursday. I think he didn’t drink Thursday because I was off. He’s drinking more than normal lately. A 6-pack of tall boys in the morning and a twelve in the afternoon when I get home. So that’s like $25 per day minimum.
Today I worked, had a decent day on the job and when I get off work, I usually call him. Well, no surprise to me, he was drunk. I was instructed to come home and help him out. I obeyed but in the meantime I made plans with a friend. When I picked him up to go to the store he had that evil, maenacing tone in his voice that scared me. I went out and came home a little while ago to nothing but smoke and loud music that I could hear out in the hallway. He was fucking living it up in here on my dime. I was yelled at because he saw a young mother with 2 little kids this week and both kids were wearing Air Jordans. This somehow symbolizes all of the problems in his universe. Then I was interrogated as to why I hadn’t ordered him a new computer yet. (We had discussed ordering it for his job but he’s been drinking so much it scared me to make that commitment.) While he yammered on all I could think to myself was how much I hated him and that I wish his heart would seize up or something during the night.
Yeah I really really hate him. Why haven’t I started the divorce process? I don’t know, but I haven’t lost sight of it yet.
Wifeofalchie, I understand how you feel. I have felt that way many times before and I look at him in disgust. Just a waist of a man to me. Is he really drinking 18 beers in one day? That is a lot. My goodness, is he trying to kill himself. Mine is like a stick (so skinny) and he can drink about that much in a day as well and not eat. I am so surprised that mine is still around with that drinking. It’s amazing how many chances they get to try and get it right when we just had a 30 year old highschool coach drop dead at work from a heart attack. Its so hard for me to understand that. But who am I to try to make sense of it.
My drunk told me the other day that he was not going to drink anymore and was just going to stop cold turkey. I have heard that before and been through that. Just as soon as he gets a little money in his pocket he will be back to drinking. I call that the broke man talk.
Once again he found another job, its at a warehouse this time. They are doing his background now, if that goes through we will see how long he holds on to that job or if he even takes it. He likes to hang with the unemployed man next door. He bragged to me the other day about how the neighbor cooked this good sausage meat and they sat here and ate while they watched television. I sometimes wonder does he think before he speak because you are telling me that 2 grown ass able body men are sitting up eating breakfast and watching tv while their women are at work trying to make money for the household. So f-ing stupid.
Then he tells me just yesterday that he is waiting for his sister to call him back so she can pay the home telephone bill (that he created for his no longer doing at home job). Why do you need a home phone when you have a cell phone (especially when you are unemployed)? So stupid. He tells me he had to swallow his pride and ask. Really, do you swallow your pride when you walk around the neighborhood begging for 3 and 4 dollars to get you beer and cigs. Oh and there is another hole in my door from one of his anger days that he had prior to claiming he is going to stop drinking. He is such a let down.
Should I even bring up the fact that his twins (from a previous relationship) are at his brother’s home and not with him? Wouldn’t that tell you something? Although, his brother is an alcoholic as well (functioning). He wants to use my car and my gas to go and SEE them not GET them, but SEE them. Really. His daughter called him and said daddy my feet hurt really bad can you buy me some more shoes. He told me once again that he had to swallow his pride and call his mom to buy HIS kids some shoes. So pathetic. If I received a call like that I would have broke my back to get those shoes to my kids. I would never allow my children to be without. But his answer to me telling him that he needs to do better with them is he AIN’T GOT THE MONEY IT AIN’T MY FAULT. He expects for me to do for them. There was a time when I did alot for them, but when I started struggling I had to stop, plus when he did work it was his responsibilty to do for them. I noticed he depended on me to do it so he could keep his little money and drink and smoke it up.
I want so much more out of life and being with him any longer is not going to get that for me.
“–when I get off work, I usually call him. Well, no surprise to me, he was drunk.” Then why do you call him?
Every time you buy him beer you are enabling him. Every time you do something because you fear the repercussions if you don’t, he is controlling you. How many years are you going to let him ruin your life along with his own?
I feel for you; I do so much! But this is going to end badly if you do not get out now. What do you think is going to happen the fist time you put your foot down and stop enabling him for real? Not just “trying” but really saying “no” to his demands?
You work. You pay the bills. You hate him. He obviously has a HUGE problem. Why do you stay? Get out while you still can.
I don’t know you, but my husband is an alcoholic too. It wasn’t easy but I stopped buying his beer. I stopped buying his cigs. I stopped picking him up from the bar. I stopped calling around looking for him. He still drinks but I don’t have to make it easier for him. And neither do you with your husband. Good luck.
What Kimberly says is true. If you continue to participate in his alcoholism, it will continue to get worse for both of you. I hope that you can get off the merry-go-round.
I feel ya. I work and support my family too. When Mr. M is on a binge he doesn’t work and we would’ve lost EVERYTHING if I depended on him like I did when we were young and I was naive (that was 23 years ago – wow!). Syd and Kimberly are right on.
Mr M gets no money and no provision from me. He is on his own. He has walked and ridden one of our kids’ bikes down to the liquor store to buy his vodka (cheaper than all that beer your husband is buying – haha!). When he gets REALLy bad (peeing his pants on the furniture, throwing things, vomiting on things, falling down, etc.) I ask him to move out. He usually finds a fleabag motel and drinks for a week or two then sobers up before doing it all again. He is currently out of the house for at least 90 days (we’ll see how I feel when we get there)… he has 9 weeks sober… going to AA every day… doing ok… for today. Our house is so peaceful when he is not here.
All I am saying is that drawing a line and setting a boundary to value and protect yourself does not necessarily mean you have to divorce him permanently. You can say “I won’t live like this. I am (we are) worth more than that. If you choose to drink, you can’t do it here.” No anger, punishment, or malice… You can lovingly detach and you will BOTH be richer for it!
BUT you will do it when you are ready… when you are – as they say – “sick and tired of being sick and tired”… and that’s OK. You can do it on your timing. He’s not going anywhere…
Hugs!
Hoping mine moves out in the next couple of weeks…..he’s told me he is…..I’m done…..
take care , jope god bless you dear
Hello
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uh . . .
Um, I don’t know about that one.