I was able to pick my car up yesterday after work and thank God the total only came to $267 (he even did my brakes and rotors). I have the best mechanic!
I tried calling my husband a dozen times after work. When he’d gotten home from school earlier in the day, he asked me to take him to the grocery store that night, and I said I would. I just wanted to take him on my way home, not have to go out later. Naturally, he would not answer the phone. I gullibly thought that he was probably just sleeping.
Tuesday is TV night at my friend’s house, and one of her other friends come over and we have carry out and watch TV. As I was settling in, he called me. He sounded like he’d just gotten up so I wasn’t really thinking that he was drunk. He asked me to take him to the grocery store, so I left.
As soon as he got in the car I smelled cigarette smoke, then the sweet smell of beer kicked in. I started asking him questions about what he was going to get at the store and what he’d done with the money I’d (ignorantly) given him earlier for food and the bus. What I got was bold-faced lies about coffee and yogurt at Panera. Straight up lies. I gave him one more chance and asked if he was SURE he hadn’t gone anywhere else. “No,” he said. So I said “Well, I can smell what’s going on with you. I’m not stupid” and the next few minutes that it took us to get to the grocery store were filled with him telling me that he didn’t know what I was talking about.
After the grocery store, I told him I felt like a fool coming out and believing that he just wanted to get some food. He asked me to get him cigarettes and I didn’t even care. I let him go into the gas station and when he got back in the car I asked him if he still had beer left, and of course he told me no. So I asked him how much he’d had to drink and he was feeling cocky, having gotten his “smokes” so he told me that he didn’t remember. I said, “Really? Well then you know what? Someone asked me to go out with him and I think I just might. Then if you ask me about it, I can tell you that I don’t remember any of it.” He was silent. I pulled up in front of our house and told him to get out. He began asking me for $1 for bus money for the next day, and quarters to do laundry with. I told him to get out of the car and surprisingly, he did. As he was closing the door, he stuck his head in and asked, “Are you really going to start seeing someone else?” and I told him to get out of the car and I drove away.
I didn’t hear from him the rest of the night. I woke up around 6:30 this moring and saw two text messages from him asking me to please call him. I did and I don’t even remember what we said, because I’d just woken up, but I do remember telling him, “Don’t give me the shit that you wouldn’t drink if I were home”. He sent me more text messages about “getting to work” in reference to his sobriety, but I am tired of listening to it. I reminded him about all of the other times he’s told me that and he keeps coming back at me with more promises. He wants me to come home, and the next time he drinks, he will go (he seems to think that me coming home will magically cure him) but I don’t trust him.
Yes, someone who comes in to my office asked me if he could call me sometime and I stupidly told him that he couldn’t. The next time he comes in, I’m going to probably give him my number. I cannot imagine being taken “out” by someone. I cannot fathom being in the passenger seat as someone else drives me to where we are going. It’s so far out of my reality that I can’t imagine not automatically picking up the check after a meal and getting into my wallet to pay for it. It’s bad enough that all I dated in high school and my early 20’s were total and complete losers, but then I went ahead and married one who didn’t work, didn’t drive, and drank all the time. He, however, was an upgrade from any of his predecessors. That’s the sad thing. I’ve always settled for less. I’ve never allowed myself to be with someone who was a partner and not a leech. I want to be treated nicely for once. I do believe that I deserve it, but I’ve just never insisted on it and ended up where I am now. I really think I need to make a change.
The Alcoholic Marriage 